[This blog entry was written aboard a Continental flight from IAH to LAX on Thursday, December 2. My flight left at 7.20 pm and I arrived in LA around 9 pm with the time difference.]
The flight is long. I am not used to direct flights, that is for sure. My father loves frequent flyer miles and so we would take one or two stops before our final destination. Three hour flights make my bottom hurt severly. I think it is because I have no butt cushioning. I have quite the boney fanny. I wonder how many words you can use for butt. Butt. Ass. Bottom. Fanny. Rear. Behind. That's all I can come up with off the top of my head.
What is it about flights that make you just look...terrible? I went on this flight look FAN-FREAKIN-TASTIC! And then I just went to the restroom for the second time, for I had a hot tea and a Mr Pibb [no Dr Pepper available...BLASPHEMY!] and looked at the reflection and I got a tad scared. Is that really what I look like? I blame it on the horrible bathroom lighting. That can NOT be how I really look.
There is a man in the aisle talking to a man across the row. Business talk. Just thought I'd mention it. I don't know why I feel like blogging now. I'm TRYING so hard to go to sleep. I'd love a nap on the plane, but I get so fidgety.
I first planned on doing homework. That is the WHOLE reason I brought my laptop on this trip. What a waste. Because I don't even have the information to do the paper. It's all on the internet. Good job Whitney, you spent 10 minutes on homework and you're up in the air. I'm not flying Virgin so I don't get free WiFi. I got some free pretzels though. I asked for tea, and the flight attendant asked me how I liked my tea. I said unsweetened. Then she asked if I wanted milk or lemon. Both sounded good to me! So I told her both. So told me you can't have both in tea. The lemon will curdle the milk. I wanted to say "MAYBE I LIKE MY MILK CURDLED!" but I said, okay, lemon. Look, I always drink Passion Tea and never need ANYTHING to go in it. Don't give me options, I get confused. I felt dumb. And I should have gone with milk because the lemon she gave me was so miniscule, there was no lemon flavoring in it. Sad.
I'm in seat 27 D. It is an aisle seat. I love aisle seats. Why? Cause I have to pee a LOT on the plane. They say, drink a lot of water on the plane, due to something like getting dehyrdated in the altitude or something like that. But if I drink a lot of water, I need to urinate a LOT. And I don't like crawling over people. It's quite frustrating. I'm sure people hate me when I'm in the window seat and I drink water. EXCUSE ME GOTTA PEE FOR THE BAJILLIONTH TIME!!!
The girl in the window seat is nice. The seat in between us in empty. We lucked out! Now we can throw random crap in that seat. How exciting is that? It's like getting a present. YAY NO ONE IS CLOSE TO ME!!! Except the guy in the aisle. Who has been chatting with the guy across from me. Luckily he does not have is rear/bottom/fanny/ass/butt/behind in my face anymore. I wonder if he farted. Not like I would smell it, I fear my nose is dry. I wish it wasn't. I would not mind a little moisture in my nose. Just a tad. But not if he farted.
Oh yes, back to the girl in the seat next to me. She offered to let me read her People magazine and we started talking. She's about to get her masters degree in speech pathology. She is quite nice. We talked about school, my prison town I live in, she lives in South Carolin and her boyfriend is going to get his doctorate, and the book she was reading. I told her how I want to move to California and get a job in marketing. Glad I didn't sit next to a creeper. That's always awkward.
My contacts dry out horribly on these plane trips. It's frustrating, since I do not carry contact solution because I wear daily contacts. I only have five for my trip so I'm hoping they hold out.
When will we decend?! I want to get on the ground already!! Hmm...
I just got REALLY hungry. I ate some chicken nuggets and salad about...three hours ago. I thought I would be ok. Hmm...I'm quite sad because my coffee I got earlier [oh around 4 pm...it's about 10 pm...I think, I don't know where we are but I'm sure we've changed time zones by now.] I got at Starbucks was not yummy. I ordered a grande caramel latte. And it either did not have enough caramel or the coffee was burnt. But I haven't been drinking coffee long enough to know what is "good coffee" and "bad coffee". I just know when I make it sometimes it sucks.
Oh hunger pains. Why am I so very hungry?! Oh dear, now I have to poop. Well I flat out REFUSE to defecate on this airplane. That's just too too awkward. Have you ever noticed how LOUDLY the toilets flush on planes? It used to scare me when I was little and I would not flush the toilet. Too scary. Oh I like the soap that is offered in the Continental restrooms aboard the plane. It smells like fruit. Maybe cherries. I'm glad it does not smell like bananas. I would most likely vomit.
COME ON! ANNOUNCE THE DECENT ALREADY! I WANNA BE IN LOS ANGELES! WHERE THE PRETTY PEOPLE ARE!!
Oh excuse me. That was an outburst. By the way, guy is still talking in the aisle. Why did they just not get seat by each other. Oh, someone smells like soup. You know how people sometimes smell like soup? Does that mean they smell like Cambell's or Progresso? Either way, I wonder if that is bad body odor. If I had to smell malodorous, I'd rather smell like soup that poop.
The person in front of me just reclined their seat. Now I'm all hunched typing on my laptop. I wish I could do homework this fast. I'm just typing a mile a minute [I really have measured it...] but when I do homework...I stare blankly at the screen. While crickets chirp. Then I kill the cricket because they freak me out.
It's quite dark outside. That's a good thing I guess. I mean, it is a night flight. It'd be awkward if we were up in the air and lights were flashing. It'd be like WHAT THE FREAK WAS THAT?!
You know what bothers me? People that bring NOTHING to do on the plane. Like...you don't think you'll get bored?! I get bored when I have a plethora of things to do on the plane! I guess you could sleep, but what if you couldn't, like for example, ME. You'd be SO BORED. I wonder if anyone has died of boredom. If they did, I bet it was on a flight. Or in an accounting class.
Soup person is making me hungry. For soup, not bad body odor. You know what else bothers me? I was in the jetway and people were leaning against the wall, looking INCREDIBLY tired. I understand this, but it was only 7 pm. Some of these characters were acting as if it was a midnight flight or something. Very odd. Maybe they all took Nyquil.
Now I'm quite hungry. THROW ME SOME PRETZELS! Delta has the best free snacks. Those little cookie biscuits are so amazingly yummy. I horde them.
I'm getting bored and running out of things to write. I wanted to write until they said "WE ARE DESCENDING WHITNEY GET EXCITED!" but the pilot hasn't said that. Rude. Speed it up, I got places to be! :D
Patootie. Arse. Badonkadonk. Gluteus maximus [or minimus in my case]. Bum.
No comments:
Post a Comment